If these broken wings could fly
by Peony-flower
Summary: Inspired by the song Wings by Birdy. Karin wants to be by his side, to be with Toshiro, if only her wings could fly.


**I have a buduzzle of other things I should be doing and other stories to be updating but the inspiration for this hit me hard. This is my first time using a song prompt for the song Wings by Birdy. I highly recommend listening to the song first to get a feel of it. The tune is rather melancholic but beautiful and I thought it would make for a good anguish story. Its main told from Karin's viewpoint and is split up by the lyrics. It can get kind of confusing how I placed every scene but just keep in mind that there is no chronological order to the scenes, their more like snippets of memories. Hope you enjoy!**

 **DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING**

* * *

 _Sunlight comes creeping in_

 _Illuminated our skin_

 _We watched the days go by_

 _Stories of all we did_

She rested her ebony locks on his bare chest, feeling the rhythmic rising and fall, savoring the warmth of a body so human that she could not delude herself into believing otherwise. There she laid, snuggled within the embrace of his two strong arms. They felt like home, exactly where she belonged. Etching the memory into every corner of her mind, she briefly closed her eyes and let his scent, the smell of fresh mountain snow, cool and tingling, enveloped her. The feel of his skin still sent shivers down her spine every time she touched him, he was electrifying. And his hair, a white so pure it could only be compared to newly fallen snow, untouched in its perfection. But she would remember his beautifully serene sleeping face with the most clarity. The way the sun peaked through the blinds, hitting the angles of his jaw perfectly to highlight the handsomeness of his face, he was an angel, god's gift to humanity. And he was beautiful, so breathtakingly beautiful.

She could stare and stare and yet her eye's vicious appetite could never be quenched. Her mind and soul insatiably longed for him, every minute, every second.

Tracing a finger gently along his jaw line, she thought of his spellbinding eyes. Those deep set orbs of green, not dark like the forest but with a hint of blue mixed in, like the waters of a tropical beach. They glowed and shimmered, and with an intense gaze, lured you, mesmerized. She knew if the sun was to hit those eyes right now then she would forever be lost, lost in all that he was. But he already had her heart and soul, since long ago when they first met on the soccer field. The first seedlings of love had been planted and her affection for the white hired 10th division captain blossomed into a majestic flower. She had fallen, hard.

He roused in the bed, slowly opening his eyes to find her staring at him longingly. He pulled her closer, brushing his lips along her headline. " Stared enough yet, Karin?"

The ebony haired woman grin, " Its never enough." She said, delivering a flurry of kisses to his face.

 _It made me think of you_

 _It made me think of you_

Karin turned her back to the sea, a frown set on her face.

" But I thought you liked the sea?" Yuzu said, seeing her twin's unexpected reaction.

"I did." Karin replied, choosing to stare at the asphalt of the parking lot. Even if these waters, a deeper blue, did not match his eyes, she could not help but think of him. They had promised to go south, Okinawa was the goal, someday, to see the waters that mimicked his eyes. But promised are as easily broken as they are made. Karin clutched her hand to her heart, the surge of pain returning. An old ache, one she wished she forgotten. Her heart was torn piece to piece and yet that wound would never heal. It would continue to remind raw, bleeding itself dry with no method of repair. It hurt to think of his gaze, with those eyes that had told her he loved her, said that she meant this world and the next to him. He lied. Soul Society always meant more to him.

"I think I'll go sit in the car and listen to some music." She said. " I want the noise to block my thoughts, my thoughts of him."

Yuzu sympathetically smiled and offered to go home, they could come back any other time.

Karin shook her head." Just give me some time. Time should heal it all."

 _Under a trillion stars  
We danced on top of cars  
Took pictures of the stage  
So far from where we are_

They were living it up, taking full advantage of all youth had to offer. She stumbled first but he caught her, he always did. They both swayed as they walked, obviously having one too many shots at the party.

" It's cold, Toshiro." Karin puffed out a breathe, seeing the water turn into a cool mist. " But you would never understand cold. " she said with a lopsided grin. He slipped his fingers into hers.

" That doesn't mean I can't warm you up a bit though." He replied with an equally goofy grin. They both laughed into the silence of the night, not caring if they disturbed the slumbering residents. Karin tilted her neck back, staring at the clear winter sky. It was a portrait, so beautiful that it could not possibly be real. It was endlessly black but the flickering brightness of the stars eased the harness of the night. She reached a hand up, trying to grab one of the trillion stars.

"They're so beautiful. I wish I could pluck one from the sky and keep it for myself." She said breathlessly, their faces inches away from each other.

Toshiro pulled her into his embrace. " They're not as beautiful as you, nothing in this world is."

She smiled at him, " What a sap." And he laughed, a velvety rich laugh that had her heart beating.

" And I'll catch a thousand stars for you if that's what makes you happy." His lips brushed hers and soon they were kissing, forgetting the coldness of the night, forgetting they were standing in the middle of the road, they only knew here and now. They gasped for air minutes later, the alcohol and adrenaline coursing through their veins.

" I bet you're not man enough to go dance on top of that car, captain." She said tauntingly.

"Try me." He challenged back. Toshiro climbed the closest car, a Honda civic, and danced to a beat his hundred year old body did not know it possessed.

Karin burst into laughter and he quickly followed suit. Then they ran as the front door of a nearby house swung open. She had no idea what she was doing, being crazy and drunken in love, but being with him was exhilarating, it made her feel so alive.

 _They made me think of you  
They made me think of you_

Karin cringes every time she sees a Honda civic pass by. She knows it petty of her to hate a specific model of car without a reason, but she did. And her reason, although equally petty, was simple, it made her think of him.

Forget his deadbeat ass. No visits, no calls, not even a hell butterfly. All that's left were memories. Like the memory of him dancing on top of the car, the remnant of happier days. Karin grimaces. No more thoughts of him, no more. This love was poison, one that killed in the most brutally agonizing manner. She turns away from the road and heads home. But she knows, no matter how she denies it, that her true home will always be with him.

 _Oh lights go down  
In the moment we're lost and found  
I just wanna be by your side  
If these wings could fly  
Oh damn these walls  
In the moment we're ten feet tall  
And how you told me after it all  
We'd remember tonight  
For the rest of our lives_

They're arguing, screaming at each other with faces so red it's hard to comprehend how either of them are breathing.

"I SAID NO!" Toshiro shouted, uncharacteristic of his usually calm demeanor.

"AND I SAID I DON'T CARE!" Karin shouted right back at him. " Stop trying to control me. Just because you think it's right doesn't mean that it is!"

"Why must you be so difficult Karin? Can't you get it through that thick skull of yours that hunting hollows is a shinigamas job, not yours." He said exasperated.

"Then do your job better!" she screamed back. Shes being unfair. Karin knows Toshiro is doing his best. The 10th division needs him, Soul Society needs him, but she needs him too. The distance is straining their relationship. It's a hurdle they cannot jump. The wall that they cannot climb. He lives in the world of the dead while she's more alive than ever. It was a recipe for disaster.

"We've been over this, Karin. I can't leave Soul Society that easily. My duties as a captain out weight this one town." He says, realizing too soon his poor wording.

"This one town? Then what about me? Is soul society more important than me?" Again she's being petty, but Karin just wants to hear it once, to hear that she's more important. She just wants to be by his side, but her wings can't fly.

"Stop being petty, Karin. You're not a child anymore."

Her boiling anger explodes. " If I'm not a child anymore then I can make my own decisions as well!" she spat out. " I will continue hunting hollows and there isn't a thing you can do because we're over, Toshiro, over!"

"Karin…" His plead is unheard as she stomps away, never looking back once.

I'm in a foreign state  
My thoughts they slip away  
My words are leaving me  
They caught an aeroplane  
Because I thought of you  
Just from the thought of you

Karin hated night the most. It was when she shut off the lights, tucked into the sheets that still lingered with his smell, sheets that she could not force herself to change, did the weight of her world come crashing down. She hated tears but every night for the past few years they would fall, hot on her cool skin. It hurts, it hurts so much. Karin had belittled her friends when they told her of the pain of heart break. She was strong; a little heart wound meant nothing to the amount of sprained ankles and broken arms she's gotten. She was wrong, dead wrong. The pain was excruciating. A bullet could have shot her in the heart and she swore it would hurt less. At least then she could bled, perhaps die a quicker death than the turmoil she lived through now. Stuffing the sheets in her mouth, Karin tried to silence her screams. The cries of agony towards a man who would never come back. Then she would lay there limp, thinking of the days when he used to share her bed. The tears would continue to fall and her heart sank, her heart died at the mere thought of him, the thought of him. If lucky she would fall into a dreamless, fitful sleep. She yearned for those nights, the ones when she forgot. But then there were those nights she remembered everything with vivid detail, his lingering touches, the shower of kisses, oh those tender kisses! The tears never stopped as she regretted that day, the day she accused him of not loving her. She regretted it so much. Would he still be with her if she hadn't stormed off? Would he still love her? Because she still loved him to hell and back, she always had.

 _Oh lights go down  
In the moment we're lost and found  
I just wanna be by your side  
If these wings could fly  
Oh damn these walls  
In the moment we're ten feet tall  
And how you told me after it all  
We'd remember tonight  
For the rest of our lives_

 __Karin dragged her tired legs behind her, heading towards the unfamiliar spiritual energy. It was a hollow, that much she was certain of, but not much else processed through her mind. She was going to kill it, a task that Toshiro had been adamantly against. She was either going to kill it or be killed. In the past Karin had been careful, her kido skills were more than enough to defeat most of the hollows that materialized, but these days she was becoming sloppy. Her spells did not hit as cleanly and the battles often dragged on, resulting more than once in mild injuries. The injures these few months were increasing in degree, her life flashed before her eyes far too many times for comfort, and yet she did not mind.

Karin eyed the hollow, grotesque like all its other brethren. She could easily tell it was weak, an easy win, even if her form had greatly deteriorated. Summoning a level 40 kido, Karin blasted the hollow to pieces. If her sense had not been dulled by the lack of sleep and her sheer lack of motivation, she would have noticed the other two hollows hiding their presence nearby. It's too late, they take their chance and with a clean shot they aim their cero at her. Her eyes flutter, catching the sight of ice before she her slow descent towards the ground. It's funny, she thinks. The cero hurt less than the nights she was plagued with memories of him. And again Karin thought of him, thought of her Toshiro. She cursed her wings, the ones that could not deliver her to him.

 _If these wings could fly_

 __She wanted to go to him. She wanted to see him. And then like some miracle he's there, surround by the frost and ice she's so accustomed to. The ice forms a barrier around their master, and he flies on those wings, the wings she doesn't have. With a wave of his hand the hollow are frozen then crushed to smithereens. It still amazes her how she had been able to touch this creature of ice, hold him to her warmth without melting him. It was a miracle, just like this miracle. And she's crying again, not from the pain but because of the beauty of it all. Its beautiful, the ice crystallizing everything in its path and its wielder, he is still ethereal, even more beautiful than the last time she saw him two years ago.

"Its cold, Toshiro." She says weakly, the life slowly leaving. His expression is pained, eyes scrunched and his lips thin.

"I'm sorry, Karin. I'm so sorry." He repeats with a voice on the brinks of cracking. "It's my fault, all my fault."

And in that moment Karin smiles, a genuinely happy smile, so unlike the ones she forced for Yuzu or goat chin in these past few years. "It's been a long journey but my wings have finally bought their way back to you, to your side." She says with her last breathe.

 _Oh lights go down  
In the moment we're lost and found  
I just wanna be by your side  
If these wings could fly  
Oh damn these walls  
In the moment we're ten feet tall  
And how you told me after it all  
We'd remember tonight  
For the rest of our lives_

* * *

 **Well then, that was a little depressing. But I feel like heartbreak is one of the most depressing things anyone can go through. Also the ending is very up to interpretation but I like to think there's a happy ending somewhere for them, in soul society hopefully. And as for the ages I don't have a concrete number but definitely older, early twenties pushing mid twenties. I hope you enjoyed it!**


End file.
